Last Mission - Cause and Effect 11

[rubestie]

Season: Winter

 

Writer: Akira

 

Characters: Madara, Kohaku, Kanata

-

 

<Night of that day. Inside a room in the luxury hotel Ibara prepared.>

 

 

Madara: Aah, I’m beat.

 

As expected, doing things that don’t match my character type tires me out.

 

Kohaku: Thanks for yer hard work. Well, this time I do feel that we pulled things off pretty well, both Madara-han an’ myself.

 

J too. Oh~ here ya go ♪ Ya worked hard as well today.

 

-Huh, I guess J still hasn’t warmed up ta me yet. He just pushes me away if I try cuddlin’ ‘im.

 

Madara: Compared to all the others, I think J is starting to warm up quite a bit to Kohaku-san. In the past, he would throw a tantrum when anyone other than me as much as spoke to him.

 

Kohaku: Is he gonna be alright like that? He’ll be participatin’ in that stupid program, “[MaM]’s Chronicle of Parenting Struggles” from here on out.

 

Rather than yer typical parenting-themed educational show, that show’s more reminiscent of a reality show, or some home drama.

 

Madara: Yeah. The setting for each episode is to show the two of us, Double Face, as we struggle to raise J.

 

We’ll work hard to make food and snacks for J, pick out his clothes for him, and do chores together, like cleaning and stuff.

 

Kohaku: We cooked together in this episode, but it’s not like we’re shootin’ a cookin’ show, after all.

 

Madara: Exactly. The first episode was probably supposed to focus on introducing the main characters, meaning Kohaku-san, J, and myself.

 

Of course, the two of us are far from childcare experts. Which is why, from the next episode onwards, we’ll be inviting various experts from different fields related to children as guest stars.

 

The concept is for us amateurs to bow our heads and ask the professionals to educate us.

 

Kohaku: That is what was stated in the project proposal, but I wonder if this’ll really go alright. As I said earlier, J still hasn’t gotten close ta anyone other than Madara-han yet.

 

If J was ta start bitin’ the expert guests when they try ta teach us about parentin’, then that accident will go viral and get us in loads ‘a trouble.

 

Madara: I can’t help but feel like Ibara-san might be looking forward to such an “accident”.

 

It seems like Ibara-san added the details about inviting guests to Anzu-san’s proposal after seeing J on his rampage, after all.

 

Kohaku: Meanin’?

 

Madara: These experts usually take great pride in their lectures on childcare.

 

I feel like Ibara-san wants to see the expressions on their faces when they are hit by this uncontrollable beast of a boy. 

 

Kohaku: What’s the point in pullin’ a prank like that?

 

Madara: There might not be any point to it. It’s a game. Ibara-san probably just wants to have fun by exposing the true natures of these elite experts who usually go around looking oh-so composed.

 

Kohaku: That’s like askin’ fer problems, an’ if rumors start goin’ around that we treat our guests horribly, then soon no one will want ta be featured on our show.

 

Madara: That is probably all according to plan. The goal for this project is merely to protect J from the villains targeting him for GFK’s inheritance, after all.

 

If we keep inviting loads of guests we don’t even know the history of, then the chances of some assassin aiming for J sneaking into the TV station increase. 

 

Which is why we need our guests to be treated badly. That way, we’ll have a convenient excuse when we stop inviting new guests.

 

Kohaku: Meanin’ that we’ll eliminate any weak spots that assassins aimin’ for J could take advantage of?

 

Madara: Additionally, if the program gets flamed online for treating the guests badly, then we’ll attract that much more attention.

 

As we attract more attention, naturally the curiosity of the public will be aimed at J.

 

That attention becomes a barrier that protects J. I still think Ibara-san is doing this mostly to have fun, but I also think it’s a good plan that allows us to kill two, maybe three birds with one stone.

 

Kohaku: It’s just pure misfortune for the guests who end up gettin’ caught up in our schemes and have a terrible experience for it though.

 

Madara: Then we should just do what Double Face does best, and make sure we invite only villains who are secretly doing bad things behind the facade.

 

There are still lots of people in this industry with many skeletons in their closets. Let’s take those people who arrogantly pretend to be good people and force them to reveal their true natures.

 

If those bad guys are treated badly in turn, then it’s karmic retribution, just cause and effect, right?

 

Using a parenting program to get rid of bad people. I think it’s a job exceedingly suited for Double Face.

 

Kohaku: Yer right. Plus, this job mixes the specialities of both Crazy:B and MaM, since we are rage-baitin’ while participatin’ in a parentin’ program.

 

I dunno which of Anzu-han and Ibara-han I should be praisin’, but this job is impressively well-suited ta the two of us.

 

Madara: H~m. I was wondering about this when I worked at the Maizuru House as well, but is this type of job really so MaM-like?

 

Isn’t everyone getting distracted by the word MaM?

 

They keep giving me motherly jobs, and then they have this triumphant look on their face as they say stuff like “How do you like that? Isn’t this a job suited for MaM?”.

 

I feel like everyone is misunderstanding something… Fundamentally speaking, MaM is supposed to be about hyping up festivals and having fun. That’s the kind of work I want to prioritize doing.

 

Kohaku: I dunno. If ya wanted ta do festival-related jobs, why didn’t ya pick a name like the “Festival Cheer Team”? Why’d ya go an’ choose a name like “MaM” for yer unit anyhow?

 

Madara: At first it was supposed to be a pun. I wonder why I chose that name again. When I first started working as MaM I feel like I put a lot of thought into the name though.

 

H~m, h~m, I can’t remember at all.

 

Kohaku: As always, ya really are the kind of guy who lives on pure instinct.

 

A name is supposed ta be an advertisement. People who don’t know ya very well are only gonna look at that advertisement. Only after lookin’ do they decide whether or not ta enter yer store and do business with ya.

 

Don’t go complainin’ about what yer customers are orderin’ after ya put up false advertisement. 

 

When the customers come in orderin’ motherly content since they saw yer name and associated it with mothers, it yer job as the shopkeeper ta say “As ya wish” with a smile.

 

Madara: You come up with some clever analogies sometimes, Kohaku-san. LMAO.

 

Kohaku: Don't ya LMAO me. I’ll kick yer ass, I mean it.

 

…Or, I guess we shouldn’t be makin’ a ruckus. J must be really tired, he looks like he’s about ta fall asleep.

 

Madara: You’re right. O~i, can’t you at least fall asleep a little further away from me? If I roll over in my sleep and hit you, I’ll end up crushing you.

 

Kohaku: Kohkohkoh ♪ Then ya should just stay up all night ta make sure ya don’t end up hurtin’ him by accident.

 

Parents all over the world go through sleepless nights in order ta take care of their kids, ya know?

 

Ya need ta work hard ta live up to yer misleading name, MaM ♪

 

Madara: H~m. Again I find myself thinking how strange of a situation I’ve gotten myself into.

 

There must be many other, more suited people available, how exactly did I of all people end up responsible for raising this kid-

 

Kanata: …♪

 

Madara: -

 

Kohaku: …? What’s wrong, Madara-han?

 

Madara: No… I just realized something.

 

(That’s right. There was a time when I stuck my neck out too far in order to protect someone.) 

-

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