rubestie

Season: Winter

Writer: Akira

Characters: Kohaku, Madara

<Some hours later. In the guest room of the Suou family mansion.>

Kohaku: Hafuu~♪ I’m all done in the bath~♪

It’s yer turn to bathe J today, Madara-han, the bath's ready for ya. I know ya showered after the shoot, but we did a lot of exercisin’ and sweatin’ today so make sure ya get in the bath as well.

-Wait, what’re ya doin’?

Madara: Aah, Kohaku-san, please save me… Our next guest on the show is supposed to be this famous artist who makes parenting manga.

Kohaku: I’ve heard. Their main job is ta be a painter, but then they kinda blew up on social media when they drew some parentin’ manga.

People are sayin’ that they’re the best at drawin’ realistic parentin’ in all of Japan nowadays.

Madara: Though, since they’ve been invited to our show, the chance is high that they are simply a “fraud” who has put up a sparkling facade.

Either way, J was saying how he wanted to prepare for our next show, so he has been practicing drawing pictures using me as a model for a while now.

You know, since the concept for the next episode is for J to draw pictures with that artist… I dabbled in restoring some paintings while at the Maizuru House, so J wanted me to teach him how to draw.

Kohaku: Huh. Ta think that yer actually properly doin’ yer homework, color me impressed.

Madara: Right. J is enjoying participating in the show for some reason. Well, that’s probably a good thing, I think-

But he keeps insisting that I stay still while he’s drawing, and won’t even let me move my fingertips… My back has been itching like crazy for a while, but if I try to scratch it, he gets mad.

Kohaku: Kohkohkoh ♪ So even the greatest villain of our age, Mikejima Madara, can’t win against a child’s tears, huh?

Madara: Who are you calling a great villain? Even I’m not that bad, I’m pretty sure.

Kohaku: You’re not. Well then, allow me ta scratch yer itch, here ya go ♪

…N? J, could ya show me what yer drawin’? Thanks ♪

Wow, so ya drew me as well, huh. That makes me happy. Yer pretty good at drawin’, ya captured my charm points perfectly.

Madara: You’re being way too generous with your praise, isn’t that just some doodle that any normal kid could pull off?

kohaku

Kohaku: Bein’ able ta do normal things to a normal extent is actually pretty great. We need ta praise ‘im fer that.

The first time I managed ta hit the target with a throwing knife, my bigger sisters all praised me a lot.

Madara: No, that’s not a normal thing for children to do, and your family isn’t anywhere near normal in the first place, you know?

Kohaku: Yer like a crow callin’ a raven black. Is yer family normal enough that ya can go around criticizin’ others?

Ah~... Wait a sec, J, now that I look closer there’s a small problem with this drawin’.

Lookie, seems ya wrote our names next to where ya drew us. But this big one’s name isn’t “Mama”, ya should rewrite it ta “trash” or “idiot” instead.

Madara: I can think of so many comebacks for that one. Ever since we started working on the parenting program, I’ve been telling J to stop calling me “Mikejima-sensei”.

Kohaku: Ah, well since we are supposed ta be like parents fer J, it would break immersion if he called ya as “sensei”.

Madara: Yup. Even then, I didn’t expect he would start calling me “Mama”.

Kohaku: Kohkohkoh ♪ Does it feel too official so ya don’t like it?

Madara: Well, yeah. We are pretending to be something of a family, but I still don’t feel like a real parent even a little.

I still don’t think I’m fit to play a motherly role, after all.

Kohaku: N~... From my point of view, I think yer actually surprisingly good at bein’ a guardian, it’s made me rethink my impression of ya.

It feels like ya are weirdly proficient at helpin’ out with makin’ food and takin’ baths and all that.

Madara: Ah, well, I used to be in charge of taking care of a rather “troublesome child” back in the day… My younger sister was sickly, and her legs didn’t work, so she couldn’t do much without help.

While helping her out with all that, I naturally ended up learning how to take care of children. Or rather, I got used to it.

Kohaku: Wow. So ya have a lil’ sister, huh. I only have elder sisters, so I’m kinda jealous. What kind of person is yer lil’ sis? I guess as her big brother, ya can’t help but think she’s cute, huh?

Madara: H~m. Compared to that thing, roadkill scores higher on the cuteness scale-

-Ouch!?

Kohaku: …!? What happened, Madara-han? Did ya get shot?

Fuck, I let my guard down! Are the villains targetin’ J here…!?

Madara: Ah, wait a second. I’m alright, it seems this isn’t anything like that.

Kohaku: Oh?

Madara: Look, there’s a letter tied to the stone that was thrown in here. Looking at the signature, it seems this is from a person neither one of us would want to meet.

Depending on the circumstances, this might be a much more annoying opponent compared to some villain targeting J.

Kohaku: …?

madara+kohaku