Trouble talking - 3

[rubestie]

Season: Winter

 

Writer: Haruka Kanata

 

Characters: Nagisa, Adonis, Natsume, Sora, Tsumugi

 

<A few hours later. In the Starmony Common Room>

 

Nagisa: …Are you ready, Adonis-kun?

 

Adonis: Aah, we’re going to practice listening to people’s worries and giving them advice here as if we were recording in the studio, right?

 

…

 

Is it okay if I check the script one more time?

 

Tsumugi: Eh? There’s a script for this? Then I should check it as well…

 

Sora: Checking the script is important~! Sora wants to check too!

 

Nagisa: …Please calm down. We haven’t prepared a script.

 

Adonis: …Now that you mention it, we haven’t. I was trying to treat this rehearsal as the real thing, so I couldn’t help but feel like I had to check the script.

 

Natsume: Honestly noW. If you’re already like this before we’ve even startED, I can’t help but wonder if you’ll be okAY.

 

Nagisa: …I’m sure we’ll be okay. I want Natsume-kun to freely ask for our advice as well.

 

Natsume: Nothing about this situation is making me think this will go okay, thouGH?

 

In any case, that won’t be necessaRY. The only reason I’m here in the first place is because Sora wants to help you guys oUT.

 

Sora: Hunter Onii~san said they wanted to practice helping people with their problems, you see~

 

Sora is in the middle of worrying about something right now, so it fits perfectly. We should help each other out in times of trouble~♪

 

Natsume: If you’re worrying about something, you could just ask me for adviCE. Honestly, Sora is just too kind sometimES…

 

Thanks to Sora’s kindness, I’ll stay and help you out just this onCE. However, you’d better not drag Sora into anything stranGE. 

 

As long as you keep that promise, you can do whatever else you wANT. Do refrain from expecting me to offer you any advice, thOUGH. 

 

Tsumugi: Now, Natsume-kun keeps saying such mean-spirited things. Even though Natsume-kun is the most experienced when it comes to listening to people’s troubles and giving them advice…

 

Nagisa: …It’s help enough if you just watch over us. Thank you, everyone in Switch.

 

…Adonis-kun, are you just about ready now?

 

Adonis: Ah, I’m ready now. Let’s begin, Ran-senpai.

 

Nagisa: …Okay. Well then, let’s begin.

 

…Thank you all for coming to our consultation room today. 

 

…Your MCs for today’s show are me, Ran Nagisa of Eden. As well as

 

Adonis: Otogari Adonis of UNDEAD. I look forward to working with… Let’s work hard, okay~?

 

Sora: Let’s work hard~! Clap clap clap ✰

 

Natsume: …?

 

Adonis: Well then, let’s get started with discussing your problems… okay? ♪

 

Nagisa: …It appears that three lost lambs have gathered here with us today. Well then, let us hear from Tsumugi-kun first, shall we?

 

Tsumugi: Wha!? So we’re starting with me. Let me think~, My recent worries~…

 

Ah, actually, I feel as if my shoulders have been getting somewhat stiffer as of late~. What should I do about that?

 

Natsume: (...You’ve been working too mUCH. Since it’s Senpai we’re talking aboUT, you’ve probably been falling asleep without getting up from your chAIR.)

 

Adonis: I see. So this is a worry due to your shoulders feeling more stiff recently… You’re worried because your shoulders have been getting stiffer, isn’t that right~? ♪

 

The problem is probably that you’re not getting enough exercise, I’d think… Ran-senpai, what about you…?

 

Nagisa: …Adonis-kun. It might just be that Tsumugi-kun’s condition is much more serious than you’d think.

 

Tsumugi: Eeh!? Why, I was just trying to come up with an easy problem for you!?

 

Adonis: Wh, what do you mean, Ran-senpai? Could it be that Aoba-senpai is actually severely ill!?

 

Nagisa: …Yes. First, I’d like for you to hear me out calmly.

 

…The reasons why a person’s shoulder could stiffen can be divided into two main types. Do you know which two that would be?

 

Adonis: No, I haven’t the faintest clue. I could only think he was feeling tired due to a lack of exercise…

 

Nagisa: …That’s right. There are two options: either he hasn’t been exercising enough, or else he hasn’t been exorcising enough.*

 

Adonis: …N?

 

Nagisa: …If he just needs exercise, then everything is fine, but if he is in need of exorcising, then we don't have a moment to waste. 

 

…Personally, I would suggest we immediately put some salt in each corner of this room, but what do you think, Adonis-kun?

 

Adonis: …

 

Nagisa: …Adonis-kun?

 

Adonis: A, ah… Right. It is true that salt intake is important during exercise… It’s totally important, you know~?

 

Nagisa: …I see. It’s true that the salt’s purifying powers may be more effective if administered internally.

 

…Right. I have a solution. Tsumugi-kun needs to lick some purifying salt right away.

 

Natsume: (How far are these two going to take this before someone gives up and plays the straight mAN. Rather than rehearsing for a consultation shOW, it’s more like they’re rehearsing for an improv comedy shOW…)

 

Tsumugi: I see~. I’ll admit I hadn’t even thought about trying to lick purifying salt. Thank you so much for the advice.

 

Natsume: You’ve disappointed mE, senpAI.

 

Tsumugi: Eeh!? How, what did I do wrong?

 

Adonis: Ahem. Should we move on to the next one? I want to hear about Harukawa’s worries… you know~♪?

 

Sora: HaHa~♪ Finally it’s Sora’s turn to get advice! Thank you very much!

 

Recently there are so many things I want, so I’m having trouble deciding what to spend my money on.

 

There is a new game I would like to buy, but my dad recommended I start saving money.

 

Natsume: To think Sora was worrying about thAT. If there is anything you want, you can always tell me, you knOW?

 

Sora: HiHi~, Sora can’t keep being spoiled by Master forever~. Money management is important. 

 

Nagisa: …Hm. Should you save for your future, or spend to satisfy your urges right now, is it.

 

…This is a very difficult dilemma. Generally speaking, it is often better to save money when you can, but that doesn’t necessarily apply in Sora-kun’s case.

 

Adonis: …You’re right, that is difficult. Why do you want to save money, Harukawa?

 

Sora: There are many reasons~. But the biggest one is the same as what dad said, for Sora’s future’s sake. As long as you’re properly prepared, you never have to worry, after all~!

 

Nagisa: …Sora-kun only mentioned picking between spending or saving, but there is also the third option of “investing”. 

 

Adonis: “Investing”? What do you mean?

 

Sora: HuHu~! Sora knows. Go big or go home. It’s a sort of money game where you fight over money♪

 

Adonis: Fighting, you say? We can’t let Harukawa do something so dangerous.

 

Nagisa: …It’s not an actual physical fight. What Sora-kun’s example is referring to is likely closer to what you’d refer to as gambling. 

 

…While investing certainly has some similarities to gambling, I think you’ll find that investing is a much healthier economic activity.

 

…If you save all your money, then you can’t participate in the economic market, and if you spend your money on games, you only gain momentary pleasure.

 

In that case, increasing your capital through “investing” would be better for your future. I’m sure that’s what Ibara would say.

 

Adonis: Is that so. Then, maybe we should recommend he invest his money?

 

Nagisa: …No, that might not be the case. After all, investing also carries a risk of failure. I couldn’t confidently recommend that course of action.

 

Adonis: Then, how should we respond to Harukawa’s problem?

 

Nagisa: …Here I have a Oujia board rumored to have been left here by the Mystery Researchers circle. 

 

…This is the perfect chance, so let us use this to summon spirits and ask them what the best solution for Sora-kun’s problem is.

 

Natsume: That’s enoUGH. Don’t move, stOP.

 

The only way this narrative could proceed is that you amateurs end up cursED. I won’t let you get Sora caught up in something so dangerOUS. 

 

Sigh… HonesLY. This feels as if I’m watching some manzai comedy about solving people’s problEMS.**

 

TL-notes:
* - Nagisa is using homonyms in Japanese here and saying that either Tsumugi is tired, or else he is possessed. Obviously those two words don't sound similar in English so I went for the closest I could think of.

** - Manzai comedy is a very popular branch of comedy in Japan, especially in the Osaka region. The humor revolves around one person playing the boke, or saying dumb things, while the other person provides straight man comments or tsukkomi.

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