Last Mission - Karmic Retribution 4

Season: Winter

 

Writer: Akira

 

Characters: Tsukasa, Kohaku, Madara

 

-

 

<The night of that day. At the Suou main family mansion.>

 

Tsukasa: Welcome home, Oukawa! And to Mikejima-senpai and J-san as well!

 

I’ve made the preparations for dinner and a bath! You’ve all worked hard on-set today as well, so please take this time to rest your bones ♪

 

Kohaku: What are ya, a newlywed wife?

 

Madara: Nah, if anything he’s like an eldest daughter who’s a prim and proper honor student.

 

Tsukasa: I am the eldest son of the Suou family! What, are you two trying to make fun of me?

 

Kohaku: We’re praisin’ ya. Ya are Double Face’s biggest investor, but usually people don’t go out of their way like this fer people outside o’ their own unit. 

 

Ya could’ve just ignored us, but ya have been super nice ta us all this time.

 

Tsukasa: It’s only natural. Even though we belong to different Units, Double Face is an ally belonging to the same agency as myself. Besides, it is my duty as the head of the Suou family to protect Oukawa.

 

Of course, this extends to J-san, who is something like Oukawa’s child. 

 

Rather, if the two of you were to treat me as an outsider and refuse my involvement, that would only make me angry.

 

Kohaku: I hate that kinda behavior as well, so I would never do that to ya. But ya even went as far as ta remodel the Suou mansion that’s been in yer family fer generations all fer J’s sake.

 

Tsukasa: Yes. I asked Saegusa-senpai for advice and was able to rebuild our home into a stronghold capable of protecting J-san. Right now, even if a horde of rogues were to attack us, we would be fine.

 

Madara: We would have been fine staying in the hotel Ibara-san prepared for us as well, though.

 

Tsukasa: No can do. A Hotel is merely a temporary accommodation. It is not meant for longer periods of time.

 

It is hardly sufficient lodging for growing children. For J-san’s emotional development, staying in a place with a human soul will prove more beneficial.

 

Kohaku: Are ya sayin’ the Suou family mansion is that special?

 

Tsukasa: If it isn’t yet, then I will make it so. I’m serious about this.

 

Kohaku: I think it’s good. Fer me, even Starmony Dorm is too stylish ta get used to. Compared ta that, the Suou family mansion feels easier ta breathe in.

 

Madara: I’m inclined to agree. My family mansion feels too much like some yakuza headquarters, after all.

 

Well, I’m used to staying at hotels as well since I’ve been traveling abroad a lot. Still, staying at that luxury hotel made me feel as if Ibara-san was watching my every move, so I couldn’t really relax.

 

Tsukasa: I can imagine. I do hope you all can relax and enjoy yourselves while staying in my home.

 

I will protect your peace of mind.

 

Kohaku: Still, I’m surprised Ibara-han signed off on this. I would’ve expected him ta want ta keep J close-by fer the sake of the treasure chest which is GFK’s inheritance.

 

Tsukasa: My negotiations broke him down bit by bit.

 

It was a simple negotiation of exchanging goods for prices.

 

Those kinds of deals are easy to understand. I found Saegusa-senpai to be a much easier negotiation partner compared to Leo-san, who always acts purely based on intuition.

 

Madara: Ah~ Leo-san can be troublesome like that. I always feel as if I’m a foreign merchant trying to negotiate with someone who won’t take my currency.

 

Leo-san doesn’t really place any value in things like money, which are usually seen as important by businessmen like Ibara-san. 

 

Poor Leo-san must’ve really had a hard time when he got tangled up with GFK, who only ever cared about money.

 

Tsukasa: Fufu. Come to think of it, the tale of Double Face all began because of that person, didn’t it?

 

After all this time, allow me to say this one more time: Thank you very much for saving that person.

 

As the one who inherited the crown from that person, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

Madara: You don’t owe me any thanks, it’s fine. I just wanted to help out my friend, that’s all.

 

That was supposed to be the whole story, and yet things became this complicated…

 

Kohaku: Kohkohkoh ♪ Isn’t it karma after livin’ freely yer whole life, causin’ trouble fer everyone an’ everything?

 

It’s a proclamation from God, tellin’ ya to do somethin’ for the good of someone else fer once, I’m sure.

 

Madara: I doubt I’m living up to his expectations, then. All I’ve been doing lately is starring in that insane program of ours and playing the fool.

 

Personally, I would have preferred to flashily defeat the forces of evil with a Rider Kick or a Spacium Beam* or something cool like that. 

 

Tsukasa: Even if you say that, you are participating in that program on the basis that we all agreed that was the best course of action, correct?

 

I actually rather enjoy watching that program myself. Even though, as one of the investors, the footage is sent to me ahead of the broadcasting schedule so I can review it.

 

I burst out laughing this time as well. Ah, please note that I am merely using “burst out laughing” as a figure of speech. Though it sounds rather vulgar, I simply couldn’t think of any other suitable expression.

 

Kohaku: Yer about ta only one that is worried about that, ya know? 



TL-note:
* - Rider Kick is a reference to Kamen Rider's signature move in the Kamen Rider franchise, while Spacium Beam is a reference to Ultraman's signature move in the Ultraman franchise.

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Last Mission - Karmic Retribution 5

Season: Winter

 

Writer: Akira

 

Characters: Madara, Kohaku, Tsukasa

 

 

Madara: Hahaha. Our guest this time was a gym instructor who kept insisting that as long as you have muscles, there is nothing you can’t do.

 

As soon as filming began, he provoked J, who has defeated every single guest we’ve had thus far.

 

He was saying something like “I’m different from those weaklings you’ve dealt with up until now! Come at me, you fucking brat!”.

 

Kohaku: And then before ya knew it, J had gotten annoyed and kicked the instructor on the back of his knee, where there’re no muscles fer him to train. He moved so quickly that even I barely managed ta see it.

 

J then got on top of the guest while he was still disoriented, and began pullin’ on his hair. Ya can’t work out yer hair roots either, after all. It was a really precise attack.

 

Tsukasa: Indeed. The match was decided at that point. After that, the guest was so frightened by J-san that he shrank like a soaked kitten outside in the rain.

 

Kohaku: It was the quickest defeat of any of our guests yet.

 

Tsukasa: As a viewer, it was the type of development that made me want to exclaim “I’ve been waiting for this!”.

 

At this point the public starts bustling the moment new guests are announced, saying things like “So this is the newest victim…”

 

They’ve also started coming with predictions and getting excited together about each episode. Someone were guessing that “Since the guest this time is really muscular, they’ll probably defeat him by mentally constraining him.”

 

Kohaku: I guess everyone’s done pretendin’ that this show is about parentin’ at this point. They sound more like guests goin’ ta see a pro wrestlin’ match.

 

Madara: Hahaha. Or maybe like tokusatsu fans who get excited to see new heroics each week.

 

Tsukasa: Well, they’re creating an immoral and bad-mannered atmosphere, but… Parenting is usually treated as a sacred topic, and it is taboo to treat it as a joke.

 

However. That’s probably exactly why people are getting so excited, as if they are finally allowed to properly play the Trumpets they’ve seen lined up at the store for so long. 

 

Usually it would be breaking social rules to meddle in other people’s private affairs. But precisely because this is something you normally wouldn’t do, people are drawn to the drama that occurs when it happens.

 

By successfully stimulating such vulgar desires amongst the people, your program has become unexpectedly positively received.

 

Even the Producer, Saegusa-senpai, was surprised to see it, you know. “This was really unexpected.” he said.

 

Even Saegusa-senpai must have thought that humanity were fundamentally more virtuous than this. This just means that there are more vulgar people around than one would expect.

 

Kohaku: Yer talkin’ as if this has got nothin’ ta do with ya, but if ya say yer enjoyin’ the program as well then yer also one of those vulgar people, bon. 

 

But hey, that actually makes me feel more at ease. A society made up only of clean an’ righteous people sounds too insufferable fer me.

 

Madara: Of course, most people are clean and righteous, though. More people than expected ended up enjoying the immorality of our show, but as expected we have also faced a tremendous amount of criticism.

 

“You’re making fun of parents and adults.”, “This show is spreading misinformation about parenting.”, “I feel sorry for Double Face and J-kun for being forced into starring in this horrible show”, and so on.

 

Hahaha. They talk as if they can’t even imagine that there are some people who would feel even worse if they were forced to star in a “clean and righteous” show.

 

Tsukasa: But well, you do end up causing some accident each episode… While I do enjoy the show, it also causes me a lot of anxiety.

 

It has me sitting at the edge of my seat. It has already developed further than even Saegusa-senpai could have predicted, so who is to say what kind of unforeseen things will happen in the future.

 

Madara: From here on out, we should be even more meticulous, and carefully make our moves one step at a time.

 

Tsukasa: Of course, I am your ally. I will spare no effort in supporting you, so please feel free to ask me if you run into any problems.

 

Madara: Right. Well, we’ll gratefully be relying on you.

 

…Oopsie. We shouldn’t be standing out here and talking for too long. J is so hungry his stomach is growling.

 

Tsukasa: Aah, I’m sorry to be so inconsiderate!

 

As I mentioned earlier, dinner has already been prepared, so please come to the dining hall once you have finished washing your hands!

 

It seems as if many people are catching colds lately. Please make sure to eat enough to replenish the energy you’ve spent working hard. It would be terrible if any of you were to fall ill.

 

Kohaku: Yer right. So what’s fer dinner tonight?

 

Madara: Or rather. I might be late in asking, but are you sure it’s okay for me and J to eat here as well?

 

Tsukasa: Of course. Please think of this place as your own home, okay?

 

Madara: Sorry to freeload off of you.

 

Tsukasa: Don’t be, we should help each other out when we are in trouble.

 

Mikejima-senpai. It seems you are able to connect with and help out with the darker parts of Oukawa that I don’t understand. 

 

However. The parts of him that you and Crazy:B alone cannot reach, I will do my best to take care of those.

 

I am this child’s family. I want you to take this as a declaration to you, his friend, from me, his family.

 

Madara: Hahaha. Seems like we’ve become friends all of a sudden, Kohaku-san?

 

Kohaku: We are comrades, for what it’s worth.

 

We might not be friends or family, but we do have some feelings between us. And those feelings are enough of a reason fer me ta take action along ya.

 

Ain’t that right, buddy?

 

Madara: Buddies, huh… Hahaha. That might not be so bad, surprisingly enough.



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Last Mission - Karmic Retribution 6

Season: Winter

 

Writer: Akira

 

Characters: Kohaku, Madara

 

<Some hours later. In the guest room of the Suou family mansion.>

 

Kohaku: Hafuu~♪ I’m all done in the bath~♪

 

It’s yer turn to bathe J today, Madara-han, the bath's ready for ya. I know ya showered after the shoot, but we did a lot of exercisin’ and sweatin’ today so make sure ya get in the bath as well.

 

-Wait, what’re ya doin’?

 

Madara: Aah, Kohaku-san, please save me… Our next guest on the show is supposed to be this famous artist who makes parenting manga.

 

Kohaku: I’ve heard. Their main job is ta be a painter, but then they kinda blew up on social media when they drew some parentin’ manga.

 

People are sayin’ that they’re the best at drawin’ realistic parentin’ in all of Japan nowadays.

 

Madara: Though, since they’ve been invited to our show, the chance is high that they are simply a “fraud” who has put up a sparkling facade.

 

Either way, J was saying how he wanted to prepare for our next show, so he has been practicing drawing pictures using me as a model for a while now.

 

You know, since the concept for the next episode is for J to draw pictures with that artist… I dabbled in restoring some paintings while at the Maizuru House, so J wanted me to teach him how to draw.

 

Kohaku: Huh. Ta think that yer actually properly doin’ yer homework, color me impressed.

 

Madara: Right. J is enjoying participating in the show for some reason. Well, that’s probably a good thing, I think-

 

But he keeps insisting that I stay still while he’s drawing, and won’t even let me move my fingertips… My back has been itching like crazy for a while, but if I try to scratch it, he gets mad.

 

Kohaku: Kohkohkoh ♪ So even the greatest villain of our age, Mikejima Madara, can’t win against a child’s tears, huh?

 

Madara: Who are you calling a great villain? Even I’m not that bad, I’m pretty sure.

 

Kohaku: You’re not. Well then, allow me ta scratch yer itch, here ya go ♪

 

…N? J, could ya show me what yer drawin’? Thanks ♪

 

Wow, so ya drew me as well, huh. That makes me happy. Yer pretty good at drawin’, ya captured my charm points perfectly.

 

Madara: You’re being way too generous with your praise, isn’t that just some doodle that any normal kid could pull off?


 

Kohaku: Bein’ able ta do normal things to a normal extent is actually pretty great. We need ta praise ‘im fer that.

 

The first time I managed ta hit the target with a throwing knife, my bigger sisters all praised me a lot.

 

Madara: No, that’s not a normal thing for children to do, and your family isn’t anywhere near normal in the first place, you know?

 

Kohaku: Yer like a crow callin’ a raven black. Is yer family normal enough that ya can go around criticizin’ others?

 

Ah~... Wait a sec, J, now that I look closer there’s a small problem with this drawin’.

 

Lookie, seems ya wrote our names next to where ya drew us. But this big one’s name isn’t “Mama”, ya should rewrite it ta “trash” or “idiot” instead.

 

Madara: I can think of so many comebacks for that one. Ever since we started working on the parenting program, I’ve been telling J to stop calling me “Mikejima-sensei”.

 

Kohaku: Ah, well since we are supposed ta be like parents fer J, it would break immersion if he called ya as “sensei”. 

 

Madara: Yup. Even then, I didn’t expect he would start calling me “Mama”.

 

Kohaku: Kohkohkoh ♪ Does it feel too official so ya don’t like it?

 

Madara: Well, yeah. We are pretending to be something of a family, but I still don’t feel like a real parent even a little.

 

I still don’t think I’m fit to play a motherly role, after all.

 

Kohaku: N~... From my point of view, I think yer actually surprisingly good at bein’ a guardian, it’s made me rethink my impression of ya. 

 

It feels like ya are weirdly proficient at helpin’ out with makin’ food and takin’ baths and all that.

 

Madara: Ah, well, I used to be in charge of taking care of a rather “troublesome child” back in the day… My younger sister was sickly, and her legs didn’t work, so she couldn’t do much without help.

 

While helping her out with all that, I naturally ended up learning how to take care of children. Or rather, I got used to it.

 

Kohaku: Wow. So ya have a lil’ sister, huh. I only have elder sisters, so I’m kinda jealous. What kind of person is yer lil’ sis? I guess as her big brother, ya can’t help but think she’s cute, huh?

 

Madara: H~m. Compared to that thing, roadkill scores higher on the cuteness scale-

 

-Ouch!?

 

Kohaku: …!? What happened, Madara-han? Did ya get shot?

 

Fuck, I let my guard down! Are the villains targetin’ J here…!?

 

Madara: Ah, wait a second. I’m alright, it seems this isn’t anything like that.

 

Kohaku: Oh?

 

Madara: Look, there’s a letter tied to the stone that was thrown in here. Looking at the signature, it seems this is from a person neither one of us would want to meet.

 

Depending on the circumstances, this might be a much more annoying opponent compared to some villain targeting J.

 

Kohaku: …?



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Last Mission - Karmic Retribution 7

Season: Winter

 

Writer: Akira

 

Characters: Kohaku, Madara, Sakura nee-han

 

 

???: -Good evenin’ ♪

 

What, were ya havin’ fun just now? Sorry ta disturb.

 

Kohaku: Nee-han! Eh, why are ya here!?

 

Madara: Eh? Huh? What? Kohaku-san, is this your big sister?

 

She’s your splitting image! Are you twins?

 

Kohaku: She’s disguised as me. My youngest big sister is extremely good at disguises.

 

Madara: Aah, I feel like I’ve heard that before.

 

Nee-han: Oh, good of ya ta notice that I’m “me”. Our eldest sister is also pretty good at disguisin’ herself, so it’d be a piece o’ cake for her to disguise herself as ya.

 

We are related ‘n all, so we know all ‘bout each other’s habits and quirks, which makes it easy ta pretend ta be each other.

 

Kohaku: Our eldest sister has been mad ever since I talked back to her an’ went against her wishes.

 

Lately she hasn’t been showin’ her face in front of me at all, much less talkin’ ta me.

 

Nee-han: Aah, that’s ‘cause big sis loves ya so much that when ya talk back at her like that she gets all shocked and depressed.

 

She probably ain’t mad at ya. She’s probably just sulkin’. Kohkohkoh ♪

 

“Tsukasa-kun” also has that habit. I wonder if it’s normal fer eldest sons and daughters. I wouldn’t know, though. 

 

Whoops, that’s not what I came here ta talk about. I don’t wanna be too intrusive, ‘specially since this one also has business with y’all.

 

Kohaku: This one-- Who’s that kid?

 

Madara: Maguro. 

 

Kohaku: N? Do you know her, Madara-han?

 

Madara: It’s my little sister whom I mentioned earlier. Hey now, don’t use your wheelchair on top of the tatami like that.

 

Hey, don’t start spitting at me just because I scolded you a little! Make some effort to get along with your big brother, okay?

 

Kohaku: What’s goin’ on, my nee-han and Madara-han’s little sister… What an unexpected duo, do ya know each other?

 

Nee-han: No, we only just met. This girl was actin’ all suspicious, sneakin’ around the mansion, so I erased my presence ta sneak up on her and called out ta her.

 

Us Oukawas are guardin’ this place at Tsukasa-kun’s request, after all.

 

There ya have it. Though I might’ve scared her a lil’ too badly, since she fainted like a small animal once she heard me. Kohkohkoh ♪

 

Kohaku: Don’t ya “Kohkohkoh ♪” me. Don’t go causin’ trouble fer others like that, ya always were bad at bein’ considerate.

 

Nee-han: Both my big sis and my lil bro has their act all together, so someone needs ta be the slacker of the family~. Don’t worry ‘bout it, it’s all fine, I never mess up when it’s important.

 

Rather 'n that. My patience started gnawin’ at me, so I let the girl go and heard her out, and then she told me she was the lil sister of the person who’s been takin’ care of Kohaku.

 

And then turns out, this girl wanted ta speak with ya about somethin’ similar ta what I wanted ta talk about. So I took her along and then we came here and interrupted ya.

 

Kohaku: Is that so. …Ya made one big mistake, so I’ll correct ya, but it’s not that Madara-han has been takin’ care of me, it’s that I have been takin’ care of Madara-han.

 

Madara: That’s a matter of semantics. What is it you two want to talk about?

 

If it wasn’t something very important, there’s no way you’d come to see me, is there - Maguro?

 

Nee-han: N. Seems like Maguro-chan ain’t too keen ta speak with her big brother, so I’ll explain in her place.

 

I bet ya could’ve guessed based on our timin’, but what we want ta talk about is that kid.

 

Madara: J, is it?

 

Nee-han: Yup. The J-kun who has gotten pretty popular as of late fer appearin’ on that weird show.

 

We’ve been havin’ fun watchin’ that show as well, ya know.

 

When I watch with my big sis, she get so annoyin’ and won’t stop sayin’ stuff like “They should let Kohaku stand out more!” or “The way he handles those kitchen knives is just like me fer real!”.

 

Kohaku: I don’t really care.

 

…N? Aah, uhm lil’ sis-han, Maguro-han? Are ya havin’ fun while watchin’ as well, Maguro-han? Thanks ♪

 

Madara: Aah, I could’ve guessed you would like that show. You seem like you’d get along well with Ibara-san, who produces it, after all.

 

Nee-han: Well, that’s all nice and dandy. Fer now, yer plan ta make J-kun into a celebrity baskin’ in the spotlight so he’ll be harder ta target is workin’.

 

In this country, celebrities are surrounded by much more security than politicians, after all.

 

Even if someone were ta get rid of you two and take J-kun into their custody, the public would vehemently condemn them if those circumstances were exposed.

 

Even if they managed ta get ahold of the inheritance, they would lose everythin’ afterwards.

 

Both their social status and everythin’ else, that is. There ain’t so many people willin’ ta take that risk, after all.



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